Blast of cold air can open computer to hackers
Seriously - no matter how much encryption there is, just (literally) freeze the memory, then dump the contents to something else, and you've got whatever they had open. Awesome?

Pakistan causes worldwide YouTube outage
So if you had trouble watching videos the other day, it was because they didn't like "un-Islamic content" - and things got out of hand.

Python stalks, eats family dog in front of kids
And no one did anything about it; in fact, when a guy finally got there to help, he didn't remove the dog for fear of harming the snake. So...why didn't anyone kill it?

Spanking Raises Chances of Risky, Deviant Sexual Behavior
Or so researchers would have you believe. Among deviant behavior: unprotected premarital sex. Wait, that's deviant again?

Virtual teachers outperform real thing
Supposedly. If you're autistic.

Government records incorrectly kill off thousands, and there’s no easy fix
If some dimwit, or careless, clerk makes an error in typing, guess what? You are dead. You can't pay taxes, or get benefits, or anything. And fixing it is extremely difficult, taking more than a year at best.

"In all, Social Security officials had to “resurrect” 23,366 people from
January 2004 to September 2005. In other words, over a period of 21 months,
Social Security was presented with irrefutable evidence that it had been
“killing” more than 1,100 people a month, or more than 35 a day."

And that's just the ones they fixed.

Why are there so many natural disasters during presidential election years?
Because Presidents get to decide what counts as a disaster.

Pizza and beer now cost an arm and a leg
And guess who you can thank for it? I'll give you a hint - the artificial market for ethanol is driving up prices for everything else involved with agriculture. Guess who you can thank for that? Just guess. I'll bet you can. And I bet you can also guess who won't be fixing it! (Answer to both: Congress!)
Always nice to have recession with inflation. Always a pleasure. Especially when we can actually do something about it.

And finally, Chavez orders troops to Colombian border.
Oh good. Looks like war is brewing. He's said that if Columbia comes chasing after the guerillas, who are an unrepentent bunch of murderers, terrorists, and thugs, but who also happen to be "socialist", that Venezuela would consider it an act of war. Unfortunately, the guerrillas routinely flee to Venezuelan territoy. Colombia has to do something. Venezuela's harboring those dedicated to the downfall of Colombia's government would also be grounds for Colombia to declare war. So, let's hope they can act like adults. Unfortunately, Colombia's government is clueless and heavy-handed, and Chavez is an arrogant, childish fool.